A Letter to Xana

My Darling Xana,

You are almost 2 years old as I write this and as such, Mommy and Beatrix have reached their third trimester. That means we have just a little more than 2 months left before your sister arrives and you are no longer our only daughter. I wanted to take the time to write to you and give you a glimpse into what it has meant to me to be your father these past 2 years.

Both your mom and I knew we were going to have a daughter for our first child. Never for a second did we think otherwise. So when the doctor told us, "it's a girl!" I almost didn't hear it, as I was too consumed at looking at the monitor of you squirming inside your Mom. Of course it's a girl, didn't we already tell you that?

Your delivery was magical. Your mom was incredible. The entire experience is impossible to put to words. But the moment you arrived you let out a cry which shook my entire being. Something happened as I heard your voice and my life was forever changed.

I have to tell you about the ride home from the hospital. First, you must know I missed out on any crazy speed chase to the hospital for your delivery, as you were scheduled to be induced. We didn't get much sleep at the hospital and were ready to be home in our own beds. But to tell the truth, I was pretty nervous driving home as I never had such special cargo with me before. We took the back roads through Denver and I've never driven so slow before in my life.

The transition into fatherhood was a defining moment for me. All my life I strove to create something wonderful... in my art, my music, my poetry. I began to realize that creating you was the best thing I've ever done. Being a father is a lifelong journey (a piece of art) and I come into this with open arms and a determination to be the best father I can possibly be for you. Everything I have learned up through this point I hope to use to be a great Pappa. Every day has been precious and you, my little Star, have made me very proud indeed. I can not tell you how much I love you and your mom. I am easily the richest man in the world with you two in my life.

There are many things I hold dear sharing with you... long meandering walks around the neighborhood, carrying you on my shoulders as you pull my hair until I say "Uncle!", watching you go up and down the slide over and over again... bath time and your contagious laughter... (Grandma would say you got this from me since I used to keep her in stitches as a kid too), coming home from work and you running up to me with a huge smile and a hug and kiss for me after a long day, taking you to soccer games and seeing the unlimited potential in your eyes, and putting you down to sleep at night and telling you how much I love you.

So, Xana, I want you to know, that when you read this sometime in the future, your Pappa has never been more happier or proud to have you as a daughter. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I know you are one special little girl.

I love you with all my heart, Star.

Love,
Your Pappa
April 2nd, 2009